Wanting to be artistic...

Yesterday was horrible. I felt horrible. I acted horrible. Yes, yesterday was a horrible day.

BUT...
Today I want it to be better, life is worth living the good and the bad days,
but I like the better days a lot better.

IT got better from

conversation about GOD... my favorite
laughs,
a sweet hubby,

and time to be creative
now i am no artist! But I love to try.
This is what I knitted:I also decided to be a mock model with my computer camera:

this one was my favorite

Now my plan is to paint, read the beautiful Bible, and listen to music in french.

later that day...
Ended up not listening to french music... =( but did paint a little.
I am messing around, so it didn't turn out the way good or anything^ I saw a cat in the very yellow fields when I was driving home the other day.

^ this one... i just like that purple color
...Have a LOVELY day.

Good Morning

Struggling From Within

Wow. This world is so full of so much talent. I do not consider myself an 'artist' or an 'actor' or an "athlete" or even a 'pastor,' which is my occupation (side note: when I state pastor as my occupation I do not do so with any kind of frustration or sadness and I do not view 'being a pastor' as simply an occupation to get food on the table, just to clarify). I feel quite inadequate. I am not trying to be a poser of any sort, but I just do the things I enjoy. What a fight, however, to keep my head above the waters of drowning in despair of not being good enough!

The post today is kind of a ranting of sorts so it doesn't necessarily flow as I would like, but emotions are like that.

"Never give up" that's what keeps running through my head.

Never give up on things simply because I do not hope to become a famous artist, actor and athlete. I don't even want to be even a bit famous for those things, I guess I just don't want to be judged when I do those things whether I am 'good' at them or not. However, can life be lived if fear of what others think keeps you hostage?

Never give up because whether or not I feel like I am always right for the job, God would not have placed me here if I did not have something worthy to do here. If I would only make a mockery of being a pastor, then God would not have placed me.

Confidence. Trust. Breathe in. Quietness and Rest. Breathe out.

Goals...

Although I love pictures and have been planning on putting up my day in a picture diary... I cannot find or am just too lazy to find the cord the goes in between the computer and the camera. INSTEAD of that brilliant plan I decided to post something I do not love as much: goals.

Yes, goals work for people and they are good and schools like them etc etc, but I feel like life is much more than accomplishments that you get here and there. I want my life to be lived. Yes, lived with intentionality, but not riddled with awards and trophies as significant as they may be. Life to me is loving Jesus and loving others. Goals are more marginal and flexible and mine often change.

Nonetheless the following goals are my "five year" goals
(who can even imagine their life in 5 whole years?)

1. To Publish a Children's Book (or at the very least give it a try...)

2. Learn Spanish

3.Polish Up the Children's Ministry (although I am not sure what that really entails or looks like...)

4.Plant a vegetable garden (i like carrots when they still have the fresh earthy taste)

5. Make better goals... maybe

This Is Life... Do you want in?

I have to ask myself this question a lot. I am not known to others to be one that gets caught up in my own appetites and comfort. However, fooling people is easy. Not that I fool people on purpose at all, I just know myself better. I know some days I wake up and I may not think about another person and their needs that entire day. Sometimes it feels like living a dream where I just need to stuff myself with anything that might make me feel a little bit better. I am there pigging out of the comforts I have and trying to resist the thoughts of something bigger. I WILL BE AN INTERNAL FAT KID NO MORE! No more I say! no more.

I will wake up and think about how this is life, given as a gift. That today the sky, the colors, the grass, the way the air feels on my nose is all a beautiful creation. That I can't just 'make it through' today and hope for the best. This day matters. When I see others, I will realize that they are not just for my own happiness, they too are also in this life. They also might be pretending that this day is a dream they need to just suffer through. Like Alice, on the new movie Alice in Wonderland. She is faced with impossibilities, hard things, and a destiny she is not sure she wants or can live up to. Alice believes that none of this matters because soon it will all vanish and fade as dreams do. And then she will begin real life again. BUT REAL LIFE IS HERE!

God is here. people are here.

"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 5:14

Introductions please

So as it is my very first baby steps into the world of blogging, I thought that maybe it would be a good idea for us to be introduced properly.
The very bitter basics can be found on my profile, but the parts of me you cannot see just by my answering of fundamental questions, I felt should be shared on a more personal level. From me to my computer to your computer to you.
I love my life, I love my husband which you can view in the picture. I am seriously in love with Jesus and I spent the last four years studying on how to teach children about Jesus too. I love art, the arts, I really enjoy plays, pictures, canvas, poems etc, I am a deep lover of symbols. I don't mine being girly, I don't mind being not girly, I just like to be me. I am most content when I am close to God, confident in who I am, spending time with people who are in need (emotionally especially) and being loving and respectful to my dear husband. If you knew him you would be in love with him too. Seriously everyone knows that he is super solid guy, almost too cool for school, but he also is super silly and not afraid to show his dorky side.
well whoever you are have the love of mine through the computer! See ya.

First Time for Everything

This is the first time. The first time I have decided to blog. I can't really remember the reason I wanted to start blogging, but it just came upon me the other day and here I am. Sometimes I think that maybe I just need some more friends in closer proximity to talk to... I am not sure. But whatever the crazy reason, today I feel all weird and sick-like so I am actually sitting down and doing the blog thing.